Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
