I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
