wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
