Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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