Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
