I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
