GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
