I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
