His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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