Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
