Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm always down for nudity.
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