Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
