so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
