I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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