i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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