this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm passing your future prison.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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