you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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