if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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