i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
