So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
two words: eviction party
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
