Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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