Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
