If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
