Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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