Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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