hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
