I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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