so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
