i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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