she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
