i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize