I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
