I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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