I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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