dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
