Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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