Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
