i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
