he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
