Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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