Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
