If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
