planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
the liver wants what the liver wants
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
