That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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