i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
