i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
