yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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