I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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