Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
