So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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