it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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