If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I AM VODKA MAN
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
