You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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