it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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