Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize