i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't deserve a penis
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
