hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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