My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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