you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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