Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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