Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
