I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
